I’m sitting here…not really chuckling. Cuz it’s not funny. But I am thinking…and wanting to share some thoughts with you a week or two after writing about health and my experiences and beliefs. So here it is:
Lest I come across as “having it down” or “knowing all about it and having a perfect life”, let’s just give you a little picture of my past 5 weeks. (It feels like much longer, but I don’t think it’s been more than 6 weeks ago that we all had really good health!)
My kids and I have, in general, been sick off and on for 5 or more weeks. It starts out with the babies. Then I get exhausted from bad nights and I get it. The weird thing is how long these cold virus’ have been sticking around! 🙁 Hazel ran a fever for a week, off and on. I am on my second head cold, with barely a week between, and after a whole week of fighting it with lots of vitamin C, etc., I am having terrible nights of hours of trying to sleep while my sinus’ close up every time I lay down and even sometimes while upright.
This morning around 6:00, after Craig left the room (I wanted to lose it by myself) I totally melted down. I have too many kids to get only a half night of sleep! I’m trying to be a better mom, and learning so much from a book I’m reading (more on that later!) and it makes it 100 times harder when I’m over the top exhausted and deprived of sleep. I just sat up in bed and sobbed until my sinus’ were closed so tightly they were popping. I cried out to God with all my soul, and truly felt heard. I had much peace thereafter.
Truth is, I don’t know what’s going on.
It could be that I was spray painting everything in sight as we changed the color of our living room this fall. And we painted the living room. And some furniture. And the couches. So that was a lot of chemical inhaling. Maybe my cells need to recover and heal. Maybe my immune system is just down from all that.
Or maybe our immune systems are down since we slashed our grocery budget in half by going non grass fed, organic, free range, sprouted.
Or maybe this is an attack from the enemy for some really awesome things that are happening in my heart and life.
Or maybe…maybe I simply don’t know why.
And I need to be okay with that. This is such a broken world. There are so many decisions of others and decisions of our own that bring suffering. But this is not saying we should cast blame on anyone or ourselves! Just…life is real. And there are times that none of us have it together or understand it.
So I sit here, sick. And exhausted. I can’t taste. I can’t smell.
But I put on my worship music. I raise my hands to the heavens. And I worship my amazing God.
I am no longer a slave to fear.
I am a child of God! Hallelujah!
Thanks for praying for us. I really am grateful. I can use it. I long to have my health back and my kids to all have theirs as well. Craig has struggled a bit with the virus’, but not as badly. Thanks for praying for all of us!