First of all, Silence.

I am hearing silence.

Like I told a friend in Ohio, I treasure my dull moments. Quiet moments. Silence.

Talia ran a fever during the night and this morning was still pink-cheeked. So I stayed home from church with her. I miss church when I can’t go, but ahhh…the silence! It pours into my soul a peace I cannot get in the hubbub. Just…can’t. There is peace in the hubbub. But it’s a different one from this one. 🙂 

So every now and again, God gives me this gift of silence. 

I had an amazing trip to Ohio for my sweet Aunt Mary’s funeral. It was incredible in so many ways. One I’m going to mention right here is how good it was for me to get away and look at my life from a distance. My stomach never hurt on this trip, even though I had planes to catch, a baby on my hip, and was socializing and relating to many people for two days straight. Parts of three, actually.

Ya know what stresses my gut? My kids do. And so something needs to change. In me. God has grace and blessing and all the wisdom and knowledge I need for these 5 kids 7 years and under. There is no need for a chronic issue with gut pain. Nope. I ain’t standing for it. 🙂 And it was so good to clearly see this! 

I feel like I’m starting into this post in a…strange way. But hey, whatever. I’m just writing as I’m thinking. Processing. 🙂 

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I didn’t know my Aunt Mary well. I don’t think I had been to Ohio since mom died 5 years ago. I just remember Mary as quiet, sweet, and extremely talented. I knew she struggled with depression over the years. I knew she was an amazing grandma to my cousins. That was about it.

There is a verse that speaks of certain people who have died. And it says that having passed on, they speak. That is Mary. She is speaking possibly even louder in her death than she did in her life. I had no idea of the journey she had been on in the past 10 years. But God wanted me to go to Ohio, so He made it happen. He worked it out. He nudged us forward. I’m so grateful.

There is a lot I don’t know about Mary’s story. I’m very excited that I will be receiving a CD of Mary recording her story. I feel that in many ways, we have been walking the same road…my Aunt Mary and I. 

Aunt Mary was 79 years old at the time of her death last week. 79. Let that soak into your heart. 

It does not matter what age you are, what denomination or church you are a part of, when you passionately and persistently pursue the Father with all of your heart, He will be found by you.

In the past 10 years, Mary received much healing for pain and rejection of her past. She kept reaching for more. More freedom. More of Jesus. And she found it. She and her husband made decisions that kept them on this path, despite knowing that these decisions would be unpopular by others in their life. In their 70s, people. I think that is what blew my mind. I am not too old to change. To let go. To find freedom. Ever!

Being dead, she speaks. 

There are those of us who need to hear her story. We believe we are trapped. We believe we can’t do it. We believe that we “are okay”…except for those times we crash, and painfully crawl out of our hole, just to believe we “are okay” again. I’m not trying to place anything on anyone. I’m just crying out to you–have hope. Know that always, always there is hope. Jesus never allows even one sparrow to fall without His love and careful watch. 

Aunt Mary’s funeral was unlike any funeral I have ever been a part of. 

Earlier in the week, I faced a deep grief. My mom’s death 5 years ago filled my heart in a fresh way and I wanted to crumble under it. Mom and her three sisters had a great friendship. And yeah, I just knew what it was like to lose mom. I fully expected the funeral to be hard. Deep mourning.

Instead, it was a worship experience. Truth poured into the room to each of us. Hope shone forth for every heart who would accept it. I wanted to dance and lift my hands to God! It was an incredible service. At one point, the Pastor spoke a blessing on every person in the room who, like Mary, is on that journey of searching for more of God. More freedom. More truth. That was an amazing, Spirit-filled moment for me. 

I want to share this. I want to bless you. Keep pressing forward. Don’t stop. Don’t lose faith. There is more. The Holy Spirit wants to blow your world apart! He wants to break off those weights and set them aside. Freedom. Keep walking.

I’m going to share pictures of my trip in a separate post. This post is for Aunt Mary. And it’s for all those who, like her, pick up their insatiable hunger for more, and run with it. 

I will end with one picture. This is Daisy and Hazel singing their hearts out to music. 

“Who can stop the Lord Almighty?”

<3